I

Summer Winter Autumn Spring

2009-11-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

Let there be light
dark be thy rooms

silver plated 'virginity'

lost in it's own

summer

Inexperienced darkness

a nostalgic effect

in my 'neverland'

lost in it's own

winter

Living truth
died happily

gruesome effect

the society 'renewed'

lost in it's own

autumn

Creation is I

the end of me

boundaries unlimited

lost in it's own

spring

A dream I saw

2009-02-22T02:38:00.000-08:00

A Dream
I saw
in the
middle of nowhere
Dancing through time
Dancing through space
Dancing through feelings
The city of joy
in rhythm with it
rejoicing
in it's own colors
No pace
No time
could I
imagine
The' trance dance'
The ' dance of life'
----

Discovery of the century

2009-02-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

A square wheel
bump bump bump
Not very good
triangular wheel
bump bump bump
A round wheel
- - - - - - - - - - -
Aha!
Discovery of the century

Nature and I

2009-02-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

It was autumn

the smell of the lake

the crisp leaves

the plain earth

Nature wanted him

all over

Down the lane as he

walked

seduced by

nature

the 'other'

in him

shouted

an inner realization!

Craziness

was it?

he asked

the 'other'

Indeed.

27.dec.2008

2008-12-27T03:20:00.000-08:00

The shell
stagnates

The road
lonelier

The laugh
faker

2:00am, 9th Aug

2008-12-22T06:29:00.000-08:00

She thought it was a joke.
It sure was.
But she had never imagined the joke would turn into the biggest truth of her life.
Time flew.
Love blossomed.
But real life could not be as mushy as the reel one.
Distance mattered
A lot
for them.
The arguments
The Silence
The society
The norms
Ha!
Strange it was, for sure
Love, like they say is 'blind'
but they saw ahead
too ahead perhaps
And
a crack
they saw
Tears fell
stuck in the
middle of nowhere
or maybe somewhere
they could not see
'Friends, we shall be forever'
they vowed.

She thinks it is a joke.
It sure is?

The painting

2008-12-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

I sat to paint
looking back
I saw a
'plain'
'dull'
'colorless'
feeling
and
The strokes of life
splashed all over
the abstract mind
Irritated as ever
I held the brush
and
gave my feelings
a pause...

'Stage Play'

2008-11-22T18:40:00.000-08:00

Seeing them
on stage
I went back
in time
once again
when
I used to
blend into
characters
Jealous
was I
as I felt
the urge
to do something
new
different
Time stops me?
People stop me?
Situations stop me?
or
Am I...

the birthday parties

2008-11-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

' Happy birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you.....'
And..whoooosh..
Wel, those were the days...when mums used to go through ol' recipie books to make the BEST LUKING birthday cake..and ya, it had to be YUMMY too :)
Those were the days..when the best friend used to get the 'honour' of knowing all the 'secret' games of the party..(as if it were some 007 plan!!..oh cmmon, it was no less)
Those were the days..when decorating the house with balloons and stuff was such a BIIIIG thing!
Those were the days..when none of us felt embarassed to wear those special birthday caps..

Those were the days when 'return gifts' were a fad!!

I guess..I am way too old..or perhaps feel so
way too old for 'planned' birthday parties..where kids are specially invited by sending 'hand-crafted' birthday cards...where specialised event management offices are called to 'plan' birthday games! What could be more exciting than musical chairs or passing the parcel or pin the donkey!

I guess I belong to the early man era :|
But I am happy to be there.
With my memories, I 'sign out'
and feel 'sad' for the kids of today.

Cheers.

06.Nov.2008

2008-11-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I was a part of this short film festival..and I must say it was an amazing experience..Quite strange but true, not many films have affected me the way these 10 min films did...And not only did they 'affect' me but also left a 'long lasting' mark about various other issues.
I cannot just 'jot' down the synopsis of any two/ or maybe three..films..because almost all of them were different in some or the other way..and I am not here to flatter them or get some kinda job!! but am serious!!

PS- Thanx ayan sir and krishanu for the amazing compay...and the stupid jokes..and the discussions..and the photography 'shoots'...the fest couldn't have been better!!! ;)

'random thoughts'

2008-10-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

Move On

2008-10-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

'Move on'
they said
I wonder where I am going.
Days after it..why do I still feel..lonely..guilty..
whatsoever
an 'insane' feeling
which is
'trying'
to come out and shout
'UGHHHHHH'
None of this makes sense.
Never did.
Never will.

The End

2008-10-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

No more
can I
play the
game of
'Illusion'

'Absurd'
is what
the figment
of mind

'Face'
no more
can I
see mine

'Elysium'
may I call
this
place

'Deception'
is it the route
to
'never-land'

'Lost'
am I
in the game
of nowhere

Stop
as
I am going
Nowhere...

Ha!

2008-09-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Against the norms of the society
here I go
'again'

A sense of
excitement
in me
'again'

'Ha'!

xoxo

....

2008-09-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

I feel free
my dirt
all of it
mine
don't even dare
touch it
my people

is this what
he meant by freedom
Am I feeling it?

Can you??

Abstract-ness

2008-08-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

I wonder sometimes if the 'abstract' in me is alive..Seeing things the way they are is not 'me'..A great man once said, "See beyond"..I laughed at him..How could you see beyond things?..they are supposed to be the way they are 'here'..we are not 'taught' or 'made' to do that!
I don't think many people would agree..or maybe..understand the 'logic' of 'seeing beyond'..ha! a wonderful 'experience'..if i may use that word!!

Ma, I am sorry...

2008-08-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

No longer am I
the 8 yr old
girl
who hides in her
room
after a 'prank'
and
says
'Ma, I am sorry'

.................

04.08.2008

2008-08-04T03:12:00.000-07:00

I am speechless..

The block

2008-07-31T06:03:00.000-07:00

Blank

another blank

Desperately trying to get
out of this 'block'

and go back to my
dream-world

Not today
I guess

The wait goes on...

6:02pm..

2008-07-29T03:01:00.000-07:00

Seems I have become quite a 'frequent blogger'..never expected this to happen, cos I prefer the 'pen' to a 'machine'...still do!
Well, met the old hostel gang after ages..I am really bad in maintaining contacts..ha! and someone wants to pursue PR!! Moving on..came to know many of them are shifting back..sad eh! I still remember the way we used to curse this place ..and look..have we fallen in love with it?? I guess we have!
xoxo

...

2008-07-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

One of the best phases of my life :sigh:

Artsy-Fartsy

2008-07-26T03:42:00.000-07:00

People often make fun of me saying that I am too 'idealistic' for this society..maybe..Well, I won't get into the argument of idealism now..but would like to tell all about this movie called 'do aankhen barah haath'..It is based on an 'open prison experiment' where the 'jailor' takes 6 prisoners to a barren land in an effort to make them 'human'..The change is gradual and is 'believable'..
I would love to interact with prisoners someday..especially in India..and would love to study their behavior..
There are various moments in the movie which actually make me think if a prison could 'change' the behavioural pattern of a person or worsen it..

I - a fragment

2008-07-22T10:35:00.001-07:00

They call me
'bad girl'

a girl with
'attitude problem'

a girl who does not follow
rules

a girl who does not want to know
how to cook curry
or wear a saree

_ _ _ _ _

I am
the girl who shouts at the society
and believes
that the day is not far
when there will be a
'Revolution'

_ _ _ _ _

They hate feminists
call them
'bra burning' bitches

They want freedom
freedom of?
freedom from?

Lost in its many connotations

it seems it means
anything
to anyone

_ _ _ _ _

7:26pm..

2008-07-22T04:24:00.000-07:00

If anyone..ever asked me..'can you give me a shortcut to happiness'..I would say..it's dance!
Since I was a child..whenever I felt sad..i would just turn on some music..imagine myself in a show..and just......dance...dance...and dance..!

They say,"Bodies never lie.''

3:40am

2008-07-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Current Mood- VERY VERY ANNOYED!!!

Just had a fight with someone..not very close..actually not close at all..and fought for a 'very' stupid reason!!
Okay lets just end it here!! Hmmmm...
Second on the list- someone did not call me...someone pretty close..too close..!! did not call me..!! Okay now thats a good reason to get annoyed!
Third- I did not go to the party..! I had been waiting for it the whole week!!! okay no problems..I am going to another..tomorrow!

Loadsa stuff..!! and oh! fourth- I am hungry..ahhh..not a very good reason to get annoyed!!

'Rains'

2008-07-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

I miss those rains
the
rains
which took
away my pain

Raining
it is
today
I feel blue
I feel grey

Alone
I am
here
in this city

I wish to be kissed in this rain
Oh rain
Let me sing
for once
'I miss those rains'

9:03pm..

2008-07-18T06:00:00.002-07:00

Current mood- very tired

shifting to another apartment can be sooo tiring..was helping a friend shift to his new place.
ps- i love his apartment!! and i hate my hostel :(

4:28am...

2008-07-17T13:26:00.000-07:00

Aimless...yearning for a cup of coffee..one look at my room makes me wonder what could be more 'messy' than this!! yuck!
I have been missing dr nandan and sanchi a lot..the discussions...after-class-arguments!! our fav hangout- my garage!! our mission- to 'educate' the society...and spread awareness!!! ha!!
our life- sociology..feminism
I was 'free' then..cos I had sir with me...We were together..a 'classless' society..however small it was..it did exist!
His words..'There will be a revolution!'

Gone are those days?
Do people...move on?

Free..at last

2008-07-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning

Say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, the past and the present
Fly on bird
You're free at last

....

2008-07-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

06.07.2008....love you baby

BLANK

2008-06-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

Blank
....

Blank
....

Did you hear anything?
Neither did I

Someone shout
please

Killing isn't it

Loneliness

2008-06-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

Loneliness like a good friend, old friend
visits my house to pour wine in the evening
And we sit together, waiting for the moon
and for your face to sparkle in the shadow

Faiz Ahmed Faiz

A girl

2008-06-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

No choice was her own
"What have I done?"
she shouted

You're a girl
and you'd better not forget that
My 'soul'
is under 'his' control

Today I am supposed to
'smile'
My life is in the hands of a 'man'
who like a puppeteer
will make me dance to his tunes

The goal- to win my heart

So I say once more
You are a girl
and you'd better not forget that.....

Girl Power

2008-06-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

This was something i came across the other day and loved it!

Shah Rukh Khan – Actor
Earns Rs. 257 per minute

Amitabh Bachhan- Actor
Earns Rs. 255 per minute

Mukesh Ambani - Industrialist
Earns Rs. 413 per minute

Sachin Tendulkar - Cricketer
Earns Rs. 1163 per minute

Indra Nooyi - CFO Pepsi Co.
Earns Rs. 2911 per minute

And that's just the beginning of the many fabulous things she is capable of

Don't abort the girl child.

hmmmmm

2008-05-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

missing u all a lot!

Dream

2008-05-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Was it nothing
but a dream

I feel i could sleep forever
Just to dream you again

Oh! Here I am
in this world
Hoping to see your face
one last time...

If only I could
feel that touch
express my love
kiss you once
...
Is that really asking for too much?

'she'

2008-05-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

with a vision
she was born

eccentric was the word
she used

passion was the feeling
she had

power was the belief
she lived with

- - - -

Oh!
'she'
why can't I see
you?

'she' said, "no more do I exist,
no more can I live
no further can I breathe
in you..."

'At Last'

2007-12-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

The skies roared....howled....cried
Lost
is she?
Gone
have those days?
Constrained
today
I feel

No wait...Clear sky
a ray of desire
calls
....at last

deccccemmmmbrrrr

2007-12-14T00:11:00.000-08:00

Oh I cannot express my feelings for this time of the year! I feel like a 7 yr old waiting for uncle santa to fill her socks with loadsa presents. Ha! I still remember debating with a friend of mine about santa's existence. Soo talking about santa and christmas, has this lil' girl been good throughout the year eh!?! uhhhh...errrrr...Okay, I think I'll confess directly to santa..watsay??

2007-12-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

Long time eh! I actually am missing the lane behind my house. The long walks I had with bhaiya..and oh the things we did in ccd! My window pane, from where i used to see the world.
Dr Nandan, my mentor-the person who introduced me to 'reality'.

Are you for real?

2007-10-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

We're lost in a dreamworld
Just you and I
No one else in this private place
We talk,listen, and make love
I feel your lips moving over mine
Your hands touching mine
Just you and I in our own little space

I may never look into your eyes
I may never know your touch
But you've filled an emptiness inside
That I needed Oh so much
We met by fate, We loved in dreams
Was it really real?
But I can close my eyes
When ever I want and pretend
It's you I feel

Your eyes, your touch, your kiss
These I'll never knew
I keep them hidden deep inside
within my soul
What ever else may we have had
You have made me whole

my adda

2007-10-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

this is a small message fr my adda..(the birla chhaka!!)
i miss u
hope to see you guys soon n dec
lov u

2007-10-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

lil' girl comes outta fairyland
and she won cry
cos
'big girls don' cry'

memories

2007-10-03T01:14:00.000-07:00

Magical memories

lovely memories

floating through my mind

sparkling bits of laughter

little drops of sadness

rainbows full of joys

sweetly perfumed memories

like violets in the grass

a firefly out of nowhere

leads me through the past

Shooting stars are fleeting

like loved ones long ago

but they are magical memories

'cos we make them so

'real bites'

2007-10-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

tick tick tick
I had been waiting for this moment...this day since ages
and now it's actually here
(ps- i still can't believe it)
feel strange
never thought i would miss my friends...my 'special friend'
sooooo much
but i actually am

i wish life were'nt so hard..
wish it were like in the movies
dancing around the trees
etc etc

but it isn't

i guess i have to start living life the 'real' way
and not in an
'illusion'

ps-i miss you all...love u

*cries*

<<<<>>>

2007-09-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

1st october.....................

doormat

2007-09-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

don't want that to happen again...but have a feeling it will
'taken for granted'....ha
i guess i am used to that feeling
doormat...a good one!

bhaiya

2007-09-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears.
But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change,
room to grow,room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

....a person who i know will always be there for me....love you bhaiya

Peace

2007-09-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

Peace is a walk by a stream
in summer with only the birds
Peace can't be touched
only to be enjoyed but never held
Peace is peace and only that
cannot be seen or ehard
for it could be peace no more
To know but not to know
For peace is an essence
a secret beautiful essence

and the essence is

Peace...

...

2007-09-25T04:41:00.001-07:00

Clear sky...at last
The skies roared...howled...cried
A message- did it leave
Reminds me of the day when I used to dance in the rain as a little girl, free from all worries
And suddenly today
I feel constrained...

Where is that lil' girl
who used to run aroun' butterflies
stare at stars
dance in the rain...

Lost...is she?
Gone..are those days?

Clear sky?
no wait
a ray of 'desire'
calls...

Dance in the 'rain'
anyone..?

2007-09-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

Sleepy as ever,Sultan knows what he wants. Good food and Sleep. And sometimes he likes playing with his teddy bear, provided it does not affect his sleep! Lucky guy. I wonder how many people in this world actually know what they want...exactly; and can confidently say- Yes I want this...' I doubt..

2007-09-11T05:36:00.000-07:00

The hour has come to part! and it is best
The severing stroke should fall in one short day
Rather than fitful fever spoil my rest,
Watching each gradual sign of love's decay.
Go forth dear! thou hast much to do on earth;
In life's campaign there waits thee a great part -
Much to be won and conquered of more worth
Than this poor victory of a woman's heart
For me, the light is dimmed, the dream has past -
I seek not gladness, yet may find content
Fulfilling each small duty, reach at last
Some goal of peace before my youth is spent.
But come whatever may, come weal or woe
I love thee, bless thee where so e'er thou go!

-Augusta, Lady Gregory

cut fit style

2007-09-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

''Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.''
Coco Chanel

'My best friend's wedding'

2007-09-09T04:14:00.000-07:00

He's your best friend and you have to tell him you're getting married.
So, what's the issue? I mean if you had a female best friend, you would tell her too..She gets too emotional and sobby..says''Oh my God..Finally!''..and then both of you get e m o t i o n a l.

He's your bestest friend and telling him won't be difficult..Uhhhhh

''What''
"Uh,What does he do?''
It takes him more than 15 minutes to actually realize that there is a man involved and suddenly he comments

''L o v e???'' ''Oh, cmmon! This is just one of your stupid affairs.''

''HIM? He's fat and ugly. How can you...Ughhh''

You make no remark.You don't to mention the 'fact' that he's no 'Hugh Grant'.

''And he's balding''

Uhhh..Ok, I give it to him..Your friend is not balding! Oops,neither is your 'love'.
He is jealous.He has no idea how to handle it.
He does not love you,never has, and never will. But in every man hidden is the little boy who never wants to share his toys and wants the undivided attention forever.
It's called possessiveness.
It's the nature of the beast.
I knew I had 'hurt' my friend.
I knew this was not how we had planned to spend a sunday.

Dream...

2007-09-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

There must be thousands of people sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming famous. But i am not gonna worry about them...cos I am dreaming the h a r d e s t

the new life

2007-09-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

a dream come true

Unbelievable..

'Open your arms
Close your eyes
Enjoy the feeling
Fly,Fly,Fly....'

I get a kick out of you

2007-09-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

I get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol
Doesn' thrill me at all
So tell me why should it be true
That i get a kick out of you

Some get a kick from cocaine
I'm sure that if
I took one more sniff
That would bore me terifically too
Yet i get a kick out of you

I get a kick every time I see you standing before me
I get a kick though it's patently clear that you
obviously don't adore me

I get no kick in a plane
Flying too high
With some bird in the sky
is my idea of nothing to do
Yet i get a kick out of you

-Cole porter

Past; Present

2007-09-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

Ignorance is what
I get

Love was what
I wanted

Questions is what
I get

Answers were what
I wanted

Reality was what I looked for
Artificiality is what I see

....

2007-09-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

'Somebody' recently commented that I write s-a-d poems/articles. Very rightly said......Am I really sad or just tired of the relentless circles of relationships.
I don't want an answer, just want to put this question out in the void.
I have 'miles to go before I sleep' but have I chosen the path to be.
I wonder if I could stop and shout loudly...'Hey see,it's me'.....(again!)

?

2007-08-30T00:13:00.001-07:00

No more
can I
play the game of
'illusion'

'Absurd'-is what
the figment
of mind

'Face'-no more
can I see
mine

'Elysium'-may I
call this
paradise

'Deception'-is it
the route to
neverland

'Lost'- am I
in the game
of nowhere

'Stop'- should I
for this
is
endless

and

No more
can I
play the
game of
'Illusion'

I do?

2007-08-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

The day had just begun but it felt like ages. It was only a few months back that I got married and plunged into a pool of ‘relationships’. The house was still in the process of renovation and the incomplete look hardly mattered. Silence was making things worse but ignoring helped. I knew it would be a new chapter in my life but people suggested that I should start making preparations of talking, sitting, standing etc differently. Was this a mutual preparation or was I the only actor in the play?
A rebel by nature, I had no faith in the institution.I did not understand the concept of division of roles in marriage. I could not imagine myself waiting for my husband at the dinner table, letting him talk 'cos it will make him feel good. Adjustment and I were two opposite poles.This was not my definition of 'happily ever after'.
I saw friends 'settling down'. After a series of affairs, I planned to take a chance. My folks had almost lost hope and assumed that my married life would end in a ...mess. But even they took a ..chance. Arranged Marriage. ha! Parents consult friends and relatives, find a 'suitable boy' and conclude that they will 'live happily ever after'. I had no expectations.

to be continued..